Rules for Kids

• Don't get a cat if you want a pet that will listen to you.  If you already own a cat, you are in your cat's seat.  Yes, right now.

• Pet fish are expensive screensavers. 

• Pet fish sometimes get smaller or larger unexpectedly and very quickly (it's definitely the same fish).

• Fool me once pet rule.  Parents don't have to get a pet until a kid agrees to do ALL of the work.  If the kid doesn't take care of the pet, the caretaker parent gets to rename the pet (Rules of the World suggests taking the kid's name and adding 2.0 to the end.  Here Jamie 2.0!")

• Shame on me pet rule.  If a family gets a second pet because a child promises to take care of it, and the child already ignores pet #1, that is entirely the fault of the parent that first brought pet #2 home.  The child is off the hook for any and all consequences except for suggestions that they become a politician when they grow up. 

Note: the shame on me pet rule is also a reason why a parent should never agree to a second pet request unless that parent is willing to take care of two pets.  Parents, watch out for your crafty children!

Harry Potter is mandatory reading, unless your parent is American and tries to read it with an English accent, then you get a pass.

Double back rule: kids have to apply their own sunblock, except their backs, but they have to apply sunblock to their parents' backs.  Sorry kids.

In summer time, if you can see the ocean, swimsuits are mandatory.

• Any screen time is too much screen time.

• A tantrum that occurs within one hour of screen time was caused by that screen time.  The solution: less screen time!

Helmets and shoes have to be worn when riding bikes.  Streamers are optional.

If you can read this, you're old enough to know that you are not allowed to wake up your parents on a weekend before 8 am without permission.

• The tooth fairy only gives $1 or less per tooth; anything more comes from fairies that sell teeth on the black market.

• April Fool's Day pranks are not optional.  

If you pee in a pool or a hot tub, the water will change color.

If you're old enough to complain that you can't find your clothes, you're old enough to do your own laundry.

Parents can take away candy from their children.  Same for candy "bought" by their children or "earned" on Halloween, although taking that away does put you in a unique category as a parent.  Enjoy your legendary status.

• Kids have to pick up their own toys.  If a parent has to help, the parent gets to keep or donate the toy.

• If you haven't played with a toy for 1 year, the parent gets to donate the toy.

If two people say the same word at the same time, the first person to say "Jinx" wins.  Loser has to stay quite for 2 minutes.  During those two minutes, if loser speaks or makes any noise at all (other than a sneeze), an extra minute gets added each time.  If both people say "Jinx" at the same time, the first person to say "Jinx again" wins.  If two people say "Jinx again" at the same time, there is no winner.  If a loser has been jinxed and they refuse to serve their time, they lose all Jinx powers to silence others- a fate worse than parenthood!

Thank you for visiting this site. Unforunately, you now have cooties.  For a long time, no one was sure how anyone caught cooties, since it was a disease made up by elementary school children.  At Rulesoftheworld.org, we have spent a LOT of time researching cooties (about 5 minutes), and we have conclusively determined as writers as rules of the world that you have now been infected with cooties.  If you would like to cure yourself of this incredibily debilitating disease, you have to either get someone else to visit this site (infecting them with cooties instead), or find a way to get a new rule approved by our shaman.  Good luck to you.  We have it on good authority that having the cooties can be almost as traumatizing as having a disease with symptoms that are so hard to imagine it's almost as if they have been entirely made up.